WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TRUST TALKING BROWNIES

It has been fifteen days since I made myself throw up. That might not seem like a long time to you, but to an addict, it's a long time. The first time I ever did it, I yakked on brownies. It was January 31, 2003, my 25th birthday. I know, how fucking sad is that? Happy Birthday to me - Bblaaahh! I was under some serious pressures though. I was exhausted from work and about to get laid off. I was starting to notice fundamental flaws in my marriage. Finally, my grandfather had just passed away leaving my mother reeling and suicidal. I desperately needed comfort and the brownies were all, "Aw, come here baby, weeeee love you." I'm just wondering how different the past two years would be if someone had brought in a bottle of gin or a couple grams of heroin instead of brownies to work for my birthday.