GUILTY PLEASURES

I'm not really into TV. As a kid my viewing was limited to NOVA specials about naked mole rats and sometimes on Saturday mornings I watched Degrassi Jr. High episodes about peer pressure and teen pregnancy. I thought my dad was some kind of tyrant asshole because he wouldn't let me watch Punky Brewster or He Man Masters of the Universe. Occasionally, my mom would let my Pit Pat and I watch commercial TV but that meant we would all have to endure dad's obnoxious commentary, like socialist subtitles.

In any case, now that I'm an adult I feel that I maintain a pretty healthy relationship with the tele. I probably watch less than five hours a week, but when I do watch, it tends to be pretty base programming. I figure if you are going to indulge in this sort of mental masturbation, do it up right. I will tighten the blinds, fluff the futon pillows, and watch an episode of Elimidate. It's so bad. Sooooooooooo bad! And I fucking love it! I especially love it when the competitors are "privately" interviewed throughout the "date." Here the producers print each contestant's name along with a quick title describing his/her position/strategy. The same thing is done in the NOVA specials during the frequent talking head segments. A title will appear, something like, "Dr. Smarty: Naked Mole Rat specialist from Fancy Pants Ivy League University." Only on Elimidate it's more like, "Becky: Took offense," or "Renee: Hates being upstaged," or "Alicia: Declares Victory."