DAY TWENTY-SEVEN

I just spent most of the afternoon writing and addressing Christmas cards to friends and family. I was feeling very sincere as I composed these holiday greetings. I felt like I was really speaking from the heart. Only, it came out sounding really fucking cheesy. Is sincerity forever doomed to sound like a huge hulking salty block of Velveeta?

Also.

Let’s say I had children, and these hypothetical children complained about what they did or didn't receive for Christmas. The next Christmas Eve would be the memorable one we would all spent at the Family Dollar. That ought to shut them up right quick.