BREAKING AN ENTERING

Late this afternoon I was sitting in the Pink Chair reading. Crooked was seated contentedly on my lap kneading the holy fuck out of my leg when she was suddenly startled and took off. I did not think twice about this abrupt departure because, you know, she has these kitty obligations and impulses that I can't even begin to understand and so, I don't question them. Instead I rubbed my pin cushion thigh and started brushing away the fine stubborn strands of fur that were sticking to the inside of my nose. That is when I heard a distinct scuffling noise coming from another room. I got up and followed the noise until I reached the bedroom. There, perched on the footboard of my bed sat a grey squirrel. The mangy little rodent had chewed a hole in the screen and just invited himself in. I shouted, "Out Vermin, Out!" and threw a sock at it.

I felt like the star of a friggin' Nut Clusters commercial.