SUPPORT

I drove up north this afternoon to my hometown in order to support my mother's art opening. And by support, I mean mingle with people I have not seen in ten years and eat stacks of cheese crackers. It's a tough job. After the show we all went to a local restaurant. And by all, I mean my parents and myself and twenty of their best friends and colleagues.

Today also marks my parent's 33rd wedding anniversary, so people kept interrupting the meal to toast them in admiration. It was all, "In this day and age it's rare to find two people who decided to stick together through thick and thin, blah-blah-love, blah-blah commitment, blah-blah!" While it was kind of them to say these things, I thought it got a bit gushy. It was also odd because there was a woman in attendance who divorced her husband many years ago because he had an affair with my mother. (!!) I guess it's all resolved, but still. After the fourth or fifth accolade, I began to recall the time my mother chased my da around the house with a pair of scissors.

Ah, those sweet childhood memories. Nothing can touch them. Nothing.

Anyway, because so many were in attendance, someone got the idea we should go around the table and introduce ourselves. At this point I had consumed at least two bottles of beer, and maybe even a glass of wine. Oh and some over-glazed sweet and sour pork dish. When it came to me I said, "My name is Winter Wren. As some of you may know, I am the spawn of Felix and Patsy and I'd like to take this opportunity to remind the happy couple that I saw them through 28 of those 33 years."

This was followed by a knowing stare and an awkward silence. Where's the laugh track when you need it?