ABOUT POOPING

One of the very unfortunate side-effects of pregnancy is constipation. To me, pooping is almost as enjoyable as eating. And you know, I'm a total hedonist so not being able to indulge in either would considerably lessen my quality of life.

I am not joking around here peeps. This is some serious stuff.

I eat a fair bit of roughage, certainly more than the average American, but this new condition has put a sleepy spell on my intestines. Lucky for me, I found a counter spell in a big container of orange flavored smooth texture Metamucil. It tasted like Tang which made it palatable, but when I looked at the ingredients I found it chocked full of sugar and yellow #5. On top of that, it cost over $10. So when I went to the Walgreens for a re-up I decided to try the generic brand which is original texture, non-flavored, and nearly half the price.

But whoa! That shit is so gross! In fact, it is so bad that in order to avoid taking it, I increased my daily fruits and vegetables. I cannot impress on you enough the lengths I will go to avoid taking this stuff. I would sooner eat tree bark. Now I ravage entire bags of raw carrots, frozen corn, and oranges and regard the Walgreens Metamucil as a sort of punishment for not fulfilling my daily fiber quota. Do you hear me? Punishment!