MY FRIEND JANE #2

I'm only now understanding the depth of what Jane meant to me.  Anyone could pull up our old texts and see love.  They would see friendship and support.  It was articulated, openly and often.  But I am feeling it now, a profound loss.  It hurts.  My heart actually fucking hurts.  What is that all about?

Usually before we would go for a walk or a coffee, I would have a short list of things to discuss or tell her.  Here's one thing that happened that I can no longer tell her because she doesn't walk on Earth any longer.

Yesterday, my 10-year-old daughter was going through the dirty laundry in search of pants.  She doesn't care that they are dirty, she wants to wear that particular pair today.  In the pile there's a pair of my unwashed period underwear.  These things...how do I say this?  They trap odor, okay?  My girl is pulling things out and then yells, "something smells like...DEAD FISH!"

Jane would have loved that story.