WEEKEND O' DEBAUCHERY

I’m going up north this weekend to visit my old friend, Pollen. We are going to stay with Tillie the Hobbit in her Martha-Stewart-On-Peyote Hobbit Home. We will take long walks on country roads. I will scratch dogs behind their ears and say nonsensical things in sing-songy tones of voice. We will have fulfilling although convoluted conversations about meaningful philosophical things and then laugh at ourselves when we're done. I will interrupt my interruptions. I will tell some good jokes. I will listen to good music. I will smoke cigarettes and practice my French Inhale. Uh-huh-huh.

Here is my packing list:

1 bag Almond Cranberry Oatmeal
1 bag Honey Nut Granola
English Morning Breakfast Tea
2 cans Evaporated Milk
1 Bottle Australian Red Wine
1 Box Hot Tamale Candies
2 Ripe Avocados
1 Tub Fresh Salsa
1 Bag Corn Chips
1 Copy Infinite Jest*
1 Spiral Bound Journal
1 Mechanical Pencil
1 Korean Eraser
1 Vial 0.3 Pencil Lead
1 Swiss Army Knife
Half Pack Trident Gum
1 Tube Bert’s Lip Balm
1 Bottle of Drugs
1 Extra Pair of Socks
1 Extra Pair of Drawers
1 Extra T-Shirt
1 Toothbrush
3 Video Tapes
1 Pack of American Spirits
1 Audio Recorder
Bach Cello Suites (1-6)
Saint Germain (Tourist)

Dear god, is nothing simple?

* I had a dream last week that Hal Incandenza (character of Infinite Jest) let me tour his home and showed me his jock strap. It thrilled me and made me blush like a twelve-year-old girl.