JUST WONDERING

I know what it means when a boy leaves his toothbrush at your place, but what does it mean if a boy leaves his yoga mat?

SUPPORT

I drove up north this afternoon to my hometown in order to support my mother's art opening. And by support, I mean mingle with people I have not seen in ten years and eat stacks of cheese crackers. It's a tough job. After the show we all went to a local restaurant. And by all, I mean my parents and myself and twenty of their best friends and colleagues.

Today also marks my parent's 33rd wedding anniversary, so people kept interrupting the meal to toast them in admiration. It was all, "In this day and age it's rare to find two people who decided to stick together through thick and thin, blah-blah-love, blah-blah commitment, blah-blah!" While it was kind of them to say these things, I thought it got a bit gushy. It was also odd because there was a woman in attendance who divorced her husband many years ago because he had an affair with my mother. (!!) I guess it's all resolved, but still. After the fourth or fifth accolade, I began to recall the time my mother chased my da around the house with a pair of scissors.

Ah, those sweet childhood memories. Nothing can touch them. Nothing.

Anyway, because so many were in attendance, someone got the idea we should go around the table and introduce ourselves. At this point I had consumed at least two bottles of beer, and maybe even a glass of wine. Oh and some over-glazed sweet and sour pork dish. When it came to me I said, "My name is Winter Wren. As some of you may know, I am the spawn of Felix and Patsy and I'd like to take this opportunity to remind the happy couple that I saw them through 28 of those 33 years."

This was followed by a knowing stare and an awkward silence. Where's the laugh track when you need it?

OH BOTHER

I sort of dropped my computer on the bathroom floor. And now the screen is doing some kind of strange new confetti dance. I have lost everything. And by everything I mean, music, photos, words, and my mind.

When did I become so dependant on digital information?

GO AHEAD AN' STRUT YOUR BAD SELF

Have you heard the good news? No no. I'm not talking about the return of Jesus Christ, our lord and savior. I'm talking about the return of the Prairie Chicken! Twenty years ago there were only 2,000 individuals in my fair state. Now there are over 10,000 thriving among the Bluestem.

You go brothas!

WHO SAID TEACHING WAS A THANKLESS JOB?

I got my winter quarter class evaluations back today. Mostly stoic little bubbles filled in Bold! Dark! Ink! You know the sort. As usual, some of the feedback was constructive and some of it was malicious and dumb. I'd have to say the following one was my favorite:

How could this course be improved?
This course is excellent, for real.

What are the strong points of this course?
You know how to explain everything, honest.

Additional Comments:
You ain’t bad looking for a college instructor!

I taped that shit to my fridge.
When you panhandle for encouragement, like I do, you can't be picky.

UP-UP AND AWAY

I just spent $1,373 on plane tickets. I will be overseas three days shy of five weeks. I'll be traveling alone. I'm positively bursting with fruit flavor.