DENTISTS

So, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon. It's been, I don't know, five years since my last professional cleaning? I hate going to the dentist. It always feels like the hygienist has this personal, extra-special, custom-made rancor, just for me.

Once when she was hacking away at my poor naked gums with a rusty machete, I swear to god, I caught a glimpse of some weird leather S&M undergarment thingy through the folds of her starched, white uniform. I heard chanting before I passed out from the pain, and when I woke up and was crying into my balled up fists, all she could do was upbraid me for not flossing more. "You know, your gums wouldn't bleed so much if you flossed regularly!" Yeah, okay. And you need to develop some fine motor skills you horrible, merciless witch-woman!

*Sigh*

Oh man. I really hope I don't have anything that rhymes with the word 'gravity.'