DEMOGRAPHICS

A couple weeks ago I received a telephone call from the hospital that will help me to remove the little bun from my oven in about five weeks [sic]. They said they needed demographic information. First, they asked me to define my race. God I loathe this question, as all of you should. Are you Black? White? Or perhaps you are one of those Asianorpacificislander? I mean, who can answer this accurately? The steady, for example, has fair skin but he's also 1/16 Cherokee. Does that mean he should identify as Native American too?

Scheisse.

But what really made me hoot was their second question:

NURSE: What is your religion?

WREN: Atheist.

NURSE: Hmm…

WREN: That’s not an option is it?

NURSE: No. How do you spell it?

WREN: Ha-ha! It depends who you ask. How about S-A-T-A-N?

NURSE: ...

WREN: I'm just kidding, check "none."