YUCK

Everytime I burp, I taste vitamins. Yuck.

OH DID YOU WANT THIS?

Someone in our office brought frosted brownies to work. They appeared around nine in the morning. I wanted to have one but nine seemed a bit early for me to consume a Sugar Bomb. So I decided to put it off until lunchtime, after my classes were over. I returned to the office around 2 p.m. ready for my reward when I found a co-workers had swooped in before me. He was talking very loudly, almost bragging about how he had already had two brownies today and how he was now going to help himself to a third one. I walked over to him in time to see him holding, no, squeezing the last piece in his large, greedy paw.

"Oh did you want this? You probably don't want it because I have my hands all over it, huh?"

BACK IN A WEEK

Nothing outrageous/amazing/absurd is happening in my life right now. I'm so pissed.

I'll be back in a week...

WRITE SOMETHING...

Winter Wren is disenchanted with Facebook.

LOVE THAT STINK

My olfactory system was extremely sensitive during my first trimester. Everything would make me want to yak. Everything. The scent of cooked food, my man's manly musk. Hell, my own perfume made me want to blow chunks.

Now the reverse is true. Everything smells damn good to me, especially synthetic things. I couldn't put the bar of Irish Spring down this morning. And the usual noisome scent of cleaning fluid the custodians use, I love it! I want to dunk my head in their mop buckets. And gasoline!

Mmmm...gasoline.

TODAY IS

The first day of my third trimester. Woo-hoo!

STEP AWAY FROM MY PONY

I don't mean to get worked up about material possessions because in the grand scheme of things they are not very important. However, certain parking lot cocksuckers keep bumping into my little red car! I now have three scratches/dents and I have owned the thing for no more than eight months.

Why are people such careless dumbasses??

HORRIBLE NEWS

My super-fantastic boss has been promoted which means she is leaving our department. I'm extremely happy for her and I think she deserves this advancement, but we are going to miss her something terrible! She is sort of irreplaceable.

IS IT BAD...

To have my favorite bakery on speed dial?

SPIDERS ON DRUGS

Webs are for suckas.

NOT MY PEOPLE

I grew up in a sleepy town of 75,000. Sure, I used to shit on it and say disparaging things about it. But looking back now, it wasn't a horrible place to grow up, in that it was relatively clean and safe, although not very stimulating.

Me, I was your average American teen. I did pretty well in school. I got drunk for the first time and lost my virginity (separate occasions) in my sixteenth year. Both were rather positive experiences. I had concentric circles of friends. But the funny thing is, the ones I spent the most time with were the ones I least identified with. They were nice people, but they were not my people. I honestly didn't know one could have friends and also like them until I moved away from home. And then there were people I didn't know very well, but wish I had known better...

And now they're all on Facebook! Suddenly the friends I absolutely adore now are mushed with people I was content to lose track of. It makes me feel all squirmy inside.

STUIPD MONEY

Arguing about money is stupid. One shouldn't ever bother.

PHILLY 5

PHILLY 4

PHILLY 3

PHILLY 2

PHILLY 1

SPRING BREAK

I'm going to Philadelphia to visit some friends over spring break.

I'll catch you on the flip flop.

SOMETHING

Something old.

Something new.

Something borrowed. *

Something blue.

* Please, allow me to explain this one as it was sort of a last second thing. I grabbed an old pair of The Steady's tighty whities and wore them for the ceremony. I guess that makes it something stolen more than something borrowed, but we're just going to have to let that one slide.

WREN AND STEADY SITTING IN A TREE

K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

First comes love.
Then comes conception.
Then comes marriage!

(Getting hitched today.)

DOCTOR FEEL GOOD

I had my regularly scheduled doctor appointment today. Everything checked out. No congenital heart defects this time. Whew! Quite the contrary, my OB-GYN complimented me on my blood pressure. She actually called it "dreamy." She also said good things about my non swollen ankles. It was enough to make me blush.

INSURANCE AGONY CONTINUED

I spoke with a claims agent for AAA (my auto insurance company) and they said they would cover the emergency room bills. But (and this is a big but) I'm going to have to pay the $100 deductible.

Let's recap shall we? I am a responsible person, paying for both health and auto insurance. Since I was a passenger in a car that was hit by a guy who ran a red light, I'm going to have to pay $100.

This world is built on madness I tell you, madness!

GET YOURSELF CONNECTED

We finally went out and bought...The Internet. We are no longer stealing wireless signals from our neighbors. Well technically, those assholes locked us out months ago. As well they should have. But hey, this is nice. I'm feeling less and less like an evolutionary throwback. You know, something with gill slits or a caudal fin.

MOVE YOUR BUICK

What's with old drivers? It's like they have one foot on the brake and one foot in the grave. I would think when one gets close to the end of life, one would realize what little time is left and that epiphany would make one move faster, not slower.