DEAR DAD,

I wanted to respond to something you said yesterday on the phone. I have never said much to you about my relationships with men. You don't seem to ask about them or perhaps just I assume you're not interested. In any case, I remember you pointing out a perceived inconsistency in my wanting to be independent (independence being an issue leading to my divorce) on the one hand, and staying in this city with the Rock Skipper on the other.

I just want to make it clear that I did not leave my husband because he was hindering my independence. I left him because he could not, and would not, give me certain essential things I needed from a life long partner. Because he didn't fill these essential needs that I made clear to him, I fell out of love with him. And as hard as I tried to throw myself back in love with him to save us and everyone else around us from pain, it just didn't work.

My independence issues lay more with you and mom. Throughout my adult life, I have been overly conscious of your judgment and mom's judgment. Therefore, up until this point it has been hard for me to make decisions without my family's stamp of approval. Again, I would like to remind you that this is totally MY issue and NOT something I blame you two for. So now at 26.96 years of age, I'm starting to change my perspective. Although I will always welcome your input and value your opinions and wisdom, I have finally realized that the only stamp of approval I need is my own. And I trust my judgment. I'm not very good at deceiving myself anymore.

With all that said, I would like to state that I am very much in love with RS. He gives me things I did not even know existed. He supports me, but he also challenges me. I have never been happier in any other relationship as I am now. We hope to be together for a very long time and that is why I am staying in this city. And that is why he's going to move out west with me when he is done with school, so I can have my turn at it.

Wow, this is turning out to be a very long email! Even so, I have one more thing to share with you. As you know I started a nasty habit of puking about two years ago (January 31, 2003 to be exact). I'm proud to say that it has been exactly 24 days since I have given into that vice, which marks the longest period of time in two years. I know we all care deeply about each other as a family and the way we tend to show that is by taking interest in each other's lives, maybe expressing concern and giving advice. I hope that continues, but I also we hope we start to give more encouragement and words of support to one another. And I know I don't say it enough, but I love you very much.

Okay. That's it. I swear.

Winter Wren