THE DOG BIT AND THE BEE STUNG

Today RS and I moved into a new place. We borrowed my friend's van because she's one of those real grown ups with children, a dog and a yard. I do a pretty convincing job of playing house, but I don't know if I'll ever be a true adult like her. At least not until I stop stealing toilet paper from work.

And so anyways. The move ended up taking us four trips and on the very first one, I backed up into a moving car. It was really a combination of carelessness and stupidity on my part, maybe 25 percent carelessness and 75 percent stupidity, because I did do a great deal of looking around the vehicle while inching out the alleyway. Unfortunately, I couldn't see directly behind me because my shit was packed floor to ceiling and all of my belongings are made out of these strange materials that are not transparent.

I had never been in an accident before. I had never been in a fender bender before. I had never even gotten a speeding ticket before, so naturally I was freaked out. I was sort of frothing at the mouth, rocking back and forth in my seat, banging my head against the steering wheel all the while chanting, "Ican'tbelievethisishappeningIcan'tbelievethisishappeningIcan'tbelieve." Lucky for me RS is a calm, well balanced, level headed person. He told me to relax and then he went out and spoke with the driver of the other car. Lucky for me the driver of the other car was a sweet old French lady who was very gracious and understanding. Of all the pick up truck driving, road raging, belligerent people that live in this city, I hit a European on her way to the theater. Lucky for me my friend's van was unscratched. For all these things, I feel fortunate. But the whole thing still sucked and my body is still sore from moving shit.