CANDY CORN

Try them with peanuts.

No kidding.

OH NO, NOT THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN

I need a vacation from my brain.

THINGS TO DO

I have a list of things to do pasted on my front door:

• Make Art
• Become fluent in Chinese
• Go back to school
• Learn to live with things I can't change
• Run a marathon in another country
• Bike around Lake Superior
• Read many good books
• Learn how to be still
• Fall in love
• Memorize more poetry

GRE QUESTION

Section 3, Quantitative Comparison: Two pounds of pears and one pound of peaches cost $1.40. Three pounds of pear and two pounds of peaches cost $2.40. How much is the combined cost of one pound of peaches and one pound of pears?

Seriously? If I was at the supermarket posed with this problem, I would probably roll myself into a ball and start rocking and sucking my thumb. Then, after a little while, I would probably get up and buy a couple bars of Ritter Sport chocolate (I loves the ones with marzipan) and go home.

MORE MORE MORE

I was supposed to see Indigines (Days of Glory) tonight, but those idiot jackals running the show couldn't get the sound system to work. It is a French film with subtitles so we were going to view it as a silent film, but then they decided to show it at another theater at 11 PM. At that point in time, I was pretty fed up with the whole circus so I biked over to Asher's and drank all his beer.

MOVIE MAVEN

I saw the movie Sweet Land this evening and enjoyed it on all kinds of levels. It was visually stunning and socially poingiant. And cute n'shit.

FLIPPIN 'ECK

All week I've been running on a six inch treadmill set on ludicrous speed.

SUNRISE

This morning, some asshole shot the sun and it bled all over the sky. I mean, it got into the clouds and everything!

HELLO MY NAME IS REX AND THIS IS MY LIFE:

I just farted and it sounded like a cartoon duck laughing.

WHAT'S PAST

Last night I was thinking about all that good love I threw away.

IT'LL END IN TEARS

I have better things to do.
Than cut my heart
On your charming smile.

I'M AN INTENSE PERSON

You'd know this about me if you saw my toothbrush. The bristles are splayed out in all different directions from so much rigorous brushing.

THE STORY OF MY LIFE

If my life were a novel written in the third person and the reader knew everything about me and the characters around me, I think they would find my relationship with Asher, and its inevitable conclusion, quite tragic. Obviously I can't say for sure because I'm apart of the story, so I am hopelessly biased. But I have this feeling. He and I are so close to plucking a cosmic chord on the golden harp of harmony. I mean, according to the laws of mathematics and physics, we should be happy together. But somehow certain words are not exchanged. And because of that, we're forced to live parallel lives. We're not diverging, but we're not converging either. We're about as warm and caring as a dial tone. The heartbreaking part is, it's only a handful of essential words we lack.

Like maybe seven. Or eight.

In any case, it's under ten.

SMILE AND NOD

I have a photo identification badge for work. Why this college requires them is beyond me. It's not like we house military secrets and you'd never catch me skulking around campus if I was not paid to be here.  Believe me.

There are two major entrances to the main building and both doors are guarded by "security" types. Some of them are kind and easy going while others are plain assholes. No biggie, but I do wish there was some consistency. Some of them will ask obsessive compulsively to see the ID of every person who walks in the door while others come to recognize students and employees, and don't bother.
They just smile and nod.

Today this guy asks to see my ID. So I stand there and fish through my bag and once I find it he hardly even glances at it. So I hold it right up to his face. This is bitchy, I know. As I'm doing it, I'm thinking to myself, "god, this is so bitchy." But WTF? If I am taking the time to get the silly thing out at least get off your fucking walkie-talkie and look at it.

I mean, sheesh.

E IS FOR EFFORT

I'm trying so hard to be "good" goddamnit, I'm really trying soooo hard!

But not tonight.
Tonight's fucked.
So let's just enjoy it.

THINGS THAT FRIGHTEN ME

Really old ladies, I mean like, 90 year old ladies with their faces done up in coral lipstick and eyeliner and ROUGE. The eyeliner especially tweaks me out something fierce.

FRIENDS WITH CABINS (PART DEUX)

It was essentially a three day, two night slumber party for adults. The weekend was filled with pajama pants, movies, music, drugs, secrets, and really really good food. Like Nutella. And hot buttery croissants.



This is authentic pansy wallpaper from said cabin. I'm such a lucky girl!

FRIENDS WITH CABINS

I'm at a friend's cabin this weekend.

God, I can't believe I typed that! Now I'm officially one of those people. Those people who a) have friends b) with cabins. I've always wanted to be one of those people. They just seem like they are smarter and more centered. Like they have more fun in life. And really, really white teeth and flawless complexions.

FRIDAY 13

Oh, you guys! Today was shite. I was operating at 25% and it must have been so obvious to those around me. I did not even bother trying to hide my flagging energy. Yup, that's me yawning in front of class...and there I am again staring blankly into space. No, that's not drool. It's applesauce. Why am I so gosh darn tired? I know you didn't ask. But let us pretend you did.

Well, because last night I discovered that I have access to wireless internet in my apartment. I can steal it from my neighbor, which is so deliciously wicked isn't it? Okay, not really wicked at all, but it's hella fast. So in lieu of going to sleep when I should have, I stayed up late reading horrible, vapid online diaries and clicking through anonymous flicker accounts. Why did I do that!? I'm not smarter from it. It didn't enrich my life. It wasn't even very entertaining.

Stupid me.

Stoopit sleeepy...zzzz

MIDNIGHT

The stars are soft as flowers, and as near;
The hills are webs of shadow, slowly spun;
No separate leaf or single blade is here-
All blend to one.

No moonbeam cuts the air; a sapphire light
Rolls lazily, and slips again to rest.
There is not edged thing in all this night,
Save in my breast.

~Dorothy Parker

FIRST SNOW

One can always tell winter is here from the clanging cacophony of cast iron radiators and the slightest scent of singed stardust that settled over summer. This kind of weather always inspires me to stay in bed all day, under a hill of goose down, eating hot tamale candies while watching old episodes of Degrassi Junior High.

REDWALL

While strolling through the Moscow Museum of Modern Art this summer I was quite struck by a piece titled Redwall. It was made by a man named Mikhail Roginsky and I think it was part of a series because when I came back to the states, I saw another instalment by the same guy. It was not the content that attracted me so much as the aesthetics. In any case, I'm going to try to recreate it. I have gathered the following materials:

1 canvas (40 in x 30 in)
1 jar of acrylic paint (cadmium red)
1 tube of acrylic paint (white)
1 paintbrush (2 inches)
40 inches red copper wire
1 electrical socket

I'll let you know know what happens:

SCANDINAVIAN BROWN CABBAGE SOUP

¼ cup butter
2 tb sugar
1 large white cabbage, shredded
1 ½ qt beef bouillon
1 ts salt
½ ts pepper
⅛ ts allspice

SWELLHEAD CABBAGE

During the summer months my da likes to poke around in the dirt. And when October sets in, my parent's back porch is usually overflowing with vegetables. It's like the fucking horn of plenty...it's the porch of plenty. He always grows far more than he can pickle or consume, so when the season hits peak he has to give a large part of the crop away to people. Like me. Today I lugged an eight pound head of cabbage almost a mile home from the bus station. It was called "swellhead" cabbage but it should have been named "white dwarf." Seriously, this thing almost broke my will. I almost cried.

DAY HIKE

I PLAYED HOOKY TODAY

That's right muthafuckers, I cut me some class!

But I'm not really the rogue I'd like to think I am. I just slept in a couple hours (meaning I got up at 8:00 instead of 6:00 AM) and then I went for a six mile run and after showering, I went to a nearby cafe and studied for the GRE. I made it through linear equations and quadratic equations! Isn't that dull??

OOPS

Apparently, someone in my building has a leaky toilet because there are notices posted on all of the doors about unusually high water bills. Maybe there’s a leaky toilet or else someone has been taking a shower for the past 72 hours. Anyway, these notices warned residents that maintenance crews would be checking all bathrooms between 1 – 5 PM today. So I knew about this visit and yet I somehow managed to forget my dildo on the bathroom sink.

*blushing*

Hey man, at least I wash it.

PRACTICE ROOMS

I went to our city's new central public library yesterday and found out they have practice rooms on the third floor with grand pianos! Almost immediately I went home, clipped my finger nails and then dug up my old Claude Debussy sheet music. I mean, dreamy!

I HAVE A CRUSH ON LILI TAYLOR

A few weeks ago I went over to a friend's house and watched a two hour documentary on PBS about Andy Warhol. It didn't make me care for the artist any more (I'm just not feelin' Andy), but it did motivate me to see the movie I Shot Andy Warhol starring Lili Taylor as Valerie Solanas. I've been meaning to do so for some time. So anyways, I saw it and loved it. It was well directed and Taylor does a capital job portraying the main character. I don't know how accurate it was, but I loved her mannerisms and the way she spoke. Now I gotta try and find this SCUM manifesto and find out what that's all about...

LANDSLIDE

So last night I says to Asher, I says:

1. I let the way I feel about you eclipse my good senses.
2. I deserve to be loved and desired, not taken for granted.
3. I'd rather have dignity and integrity than you as a boyfriend.

BOOKS ON MY BEDSTAND

1. The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
2. The Portable Dorothy Parker
3. Why We Do It: Rethinking Sex and the Selfish Gene by Niles Eldredge
4. Pornified by Pamela Paul
5. Granta #94: On The Road Again
6. Cat and Mouse by Gunter Grass