VINTAGE SESAME STREET

Three Striped Balls, One Polka Dot Ball

VINTAGE SESAME STREET

I Get Mad.

VINTAGE SESAME STREET

Yip Yip Aliens

VINTAGE SESAME STREET

Fat Cat Sat Hat

VINTAGE SESAME STREET

I'm Lost

RESPECTFULLY YOURS

Aw geez. What are we going to do about Uncle Mike, huh? He's my dad's older brother. I care about him because he's family, but honestly, I don't understand how those two came from the same womb. He keeps sending me these obtuse forwarded emails that are either about prayer or about Barack Obama and his terrorist schemes. I don't know what to say about him. I guess I wouldn't be surprised if I found out he lost a game of tic tac toe to a bowl of dry cat food.

MIKE'S EMAIL: New Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME) ! Since the Pledge of Allegiance and The Lord's Prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore Because the word "God" is mentioned. A kid in Arizona wrote the attached:

New school prayer : Now I sit me down in school Where praying is against the rule For this great nation under God Finds mention of Him very odd. If Scripture now the class recites, It violates the Bill of Rights. And anytime my head I bow Becomes a Federal matter now.

[Blah, blah, blah, I can't even bring myself to repeat that drivel.]

MY CRISP REPLY: Dear Uncle Mike, 1) What a stupid poem. 2) What an idiot kid. Please stop sending me this conservative garbage. If you do I will be forced to fill your inbox with contrary literature.

Respectfully,
Winter Wren

SHARKS FROM THE SHED

The Steady and I spent a full afternoon at the Shed Aquarium while on holiday last weekend. I still can't believe I paid $50 for our admission. I don't know if you read my website Chicago but you need to cut that shit out. You're asking for way too much money. We saw a great many cool things though. The two pictures below are my favorite.



Don't they look nasty, those sharks? Oooh you so nasty! You so savage! Look at you, all stuffed with rage and cotton! Aaaah no! Please don't bite me with your felt teeth!

1.06.01

I went for an introspective eight mile run this morning. When I returned home I read my watch: 1 hour 06 minutes and 01 seconds. I guess it is going to be a palindrome day. Yay!

I have no idea what this means.

BEST KID EVER

I was in Chicago for an extended weekend visiting this little stinker. He's my only sibling's only child. The kid stole my heart, drooled all over it, and then made a farting noise with his mouth. Obviously I am smitten.

SHODDY WORK

I had a cavity filled three months ago. Last week it fell out. I know this because A) there is a formidable hole in my tooth and B) it hurts. So I called the dentist and told them about their shoddy work. Of course, they won’t take my word for it. I have to come in so they can fix their expert eyes on it and tell me what I already know. This is exactly what they do.

I arrive at the dentist’s office and suffer almost 45 minutes of horrible lobby muzak. But it wasn’t a complete waste of time because I was just thinking to myself, “Geez, when am I going to get around to reading that National Geographic magazine from 1983 anyway?” They call me in. I sit in the vinyl chair (no exaggerations) for no more than 20 seconds. That’s the amount of time it takes for them to see the hole in my tooth and ask, “Does it hurt?” and for me to reply, “Uh-huh.” Another 20 seconds go by and I am in the lobby, scheduling another appointment. You know, the one where I actually get it fixed.

THE STRAIGHT ONES

I have very few straight male friends. Straight men I like either become boyfriends or stop calling once they find out I have a boyfriend. Although I am truly confounded by this trend, I still try to make friends with, you know, the straight ones.

This winter I tried to make friends with a student. But it ended messy. In the spring I befriended another student, only this time more cautiously. We emailed back and forth a bit before we got together. Below you will find an excerpt from that correspondence:

ME: I should warn you, I have had shit luck cultivating friendships with straight men. Other than brother/dad/boyfriends I have had very few. Honestly I don't know what the hell I am doing wrong. You seem like a smart guy. Perhaps you have some insight?

HE: Most dudes think that they are entitled to fuck anything that's nice to them. That's why.