THAT'S ABOUT THE SIZE OF IT

I lost more than five pounds before I knew I was pregnant. Not because of the nausea/puking, that did not kick in until the middle of the second month. No, I suppose it was because I was burning more calories. All of the sudden coffee for breakfast and yogurt/granola/fruit salad for lunch was just not enough. I was amazed to find my own gurgling stomach rousing me at 3 AM and it would not let me rest until I offered up the sacrificial banana or bowl of Trader Joe Ohs.

It was difficult getting used to these new demands, considering my dicey history with food. I felt like such a piggy at first. For the past four years I worked hard to establish a healthy relationship with meals. Then without warning, the parameters changed. And all those idiot pregnancy books love to admonish, "Don't over eat!" "Don't gain too quickly!"

Psssssh. Fuck that. I am eating this entire carton of cottage cheese, and not one of you stupid shit bags (jabbing the air with a spoon) is going to make me feel bad about it. Here, at the foothills of month five, I am roughly seven pounds heavier than my average weight. And that's just fine.

Interestingly, I asked The Steady's mom how much she gained during her pregnancies and she (5 ft 7 in) said 15 pounds! These days doctors "recommend" 25-35 pounds, so that's hardly anything. So I asked my mom (5 ft 2 in) what she gained. She just howled and exclaimed 50 lbs.

You go mom!